replay in my mind
why did I?
why didn’t I?
if only…
my mind replays
over and over
looping ‘round
a vicious cycle
end-to-end
recollections reflections
one thought ends
another begins
road traveled
a familiar road
why did I go straight?
why didn’t i turn right?
blaming myself
heavy burdensome blanket
cold and cruel
no warmth therein
how did we three survive?
why weren’t we killed?
funerals to plan?
thankfully no
God watching out for us
thoughts spinning ‘round ‘n ‘round
it’s not your time
God said no!
time for any of you it’s not!
replay over and over
playing cruel tricks within my mind
reflective state looking in a mirror?
haunting wisps of doubt
car totaled can be replaced
lives spared irreplaceable
questions futile
it’s over and done
why did i?
why didn’t i?
if only…a replay could change
possibility not!
why did i?
why didn’t i?
haunting thoughts
wake hours
‘round ‘n ‘round
knowing the past cannot be changed
but
replays over and over
feels so now
inner voice
choice was made
you drove that route
yes but
you know you didn’t need to
i know
but
it does not change that i did
yes you did
you didn’t need to drive that way
replay your choice
wonderful husband
hospitalized
uphill battle to get him back
your passenger
85 years old hospitalized
how could you do that to her?
i have been told it’s not your fault
but decision was mine
mine alone
coercion?
nothing of the sort none
thoughts futile
dear Lord
help me wade through
this quagmire of guilt
heal Gary Barb myself
God says
you have to take care of you
before you can help anyone else
i know
thanks
i’m not meaning to be ungrateful
we are all alive
and still
replays in my mind
